Tips for Getting Through Conferences

Parents returning home from teacher conferences can be a trying time for many students. Difficult classes and high expectations from families can make the discussion you have with your parents a tense familial moment. Having consulted with the leading minds in family conflict mitigation, The Scallion’s crack emotional wellness team, Backfront, has compiled some helpful tips to keep these disputes under control:

1) Learn to Dance: Nothing stops a tense parental confrontation better than a jaw-dropping tap dancing routine that you perform right as the question “so how’s English going” begins to edge out of your parent’s mouth. NOTE: it is imperative that you devote your time to learning the dance and NOT studying for the class you are struggling in.

2) Have an Underachieving Older Sibling: Nothing lowers the bar more than the weight of a B- brother. The more that you can shift your parents’ attention away from the disappointment you bring towards the disappointment others in you family bring, the better.

3) Don’t take AP Bio, Chem, Physics, or Literature: We know add-drop is over, but really, you should have seen this coming when you enrolled. The only people who take these classes are those who have a genuine drive to learn and advance knowledge for the good of humanity, so it’s really on you for trying to make the world a better place.

4) Buy a Boat: If all else fails, set sail due West and make your way out into the Pacific. Wait for things to cool down. Remember, your GPA isn’t valid in international waters.

Photo: goo.gl/KCkC6F

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