Crazy in Love

I feel crazy. Crazy in love. How that sounds insanely romantic but the reality of it is insane. Suffering for a couple of romantic moments. How I can’t recognize myself because I can’t stick to the words of boundaries I spoke out. I broke my own promise to myself. If I can’t protect myself who the fuck else can. My gut churning as an ambulance, cutting every corner it can, red lights screaming ‘I’m coming’ trying to get there on time but the mindless emotions are already lost in an induced coma. Will I come out of it. As in my body I am still alive. I still breath, my heart still beats. As my intuition still knows me, still knows what is best for me even if my state numbs it out. I see how the people around me don’t recognize my actions. They are careful with me and I feel crazy around them. I keep speaking anyway even how crazy I seem, as I don’t want to lose touch with reality. I’m already on my last lifeline and seeing their disappointed, concerned faces is the only lifeline keeping me from dying completely. Dying into a person I don’t know. I am still here, just in coma. I can hear you, please keep singing, whispering, filling the air with hope of my return even if I don’t respond.

What is it. How do you explain the beautiful moments. They never come out as they are. Its a euphoria, it doesn’t contain words it is atmospherically intense. You want to live in each other forever. Everything is whole but so fragile. You try to lay still for nothing to break as you know it will as it always does between us. The toxicity of yet another reality check, Big Bang from being one to universes apart.

Always running away or towards you. You always lingering but never sitting down and laying it all on the table. Your words got me floating through the universe of the love you speak of but then the facts has me claustrophobic in this space suit. For me to live in your love I would forever be stuck in this suit as the fact is I would die without it in this universe. Never to land again have my barefoot on the earth. Never breathing natural air directly into my lungs. Even though the overview effect is breathtaking but too long without breathing starts the suffocation. As evolving it is to meet my fragility I can’t live in it forever. I deserve to grow into my confidence. Confidence that would never be able to exist in the boundaries you’re asking me to put aside.

The intensity of the chemistry got me still induced but my conscious is starting to ask ‘what are the wildest future fantasies worth if dedication and respect is lost in the now?’ One finger moves, the body is recognizing itself again the heart last to follow. It’s recognizing it deserves to move, to move my eyes, to move my feet. To stay in coma would be heading towards death and this body has too much live in it to be crazy in “love”. Love isn’t crazy. Choosing to suffer is what is crazy.

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