Letter

Conflict of Interest

Dear Dixie,

I remember the softness under my hands and feet when I crawled up the staircase like a bear. Each carpeted step led me higher up and revealed an even more beautiful view of the lake as I climbed. Every time I visited you, a smile grew over my cheeks and excitement bubbled into laughter. I was eager to walk into your mansion of a house and explore the newly decorated rooms on every floor.

The balcony outside the kitchen gave the most picturesque view of the lake. It was also the least furnished area of the entire four floors and two patios. Perhaps the lack of gaudy decorations and expensive furniture led me to recall the details of the conversation we had there so well. On the other hand, maybe it makes sense that this conversation comes to mind every time I think of you because it was one of the last times I heard your voice.

It was early in the morning and the cotton-ball clouds had not yet cleared from the Wisconsin sky. As soon as the yellow beams of brightness could reach the surface of the water, I, along with my brother and dad, would surely be in the water. We each waited for the baby blue sky to reveal itself in separate different ways. My brother had chosen to spend this time sleeping. My father did as he often did and hid himself away in a quiet room to do work on his computer. Being an easily-bored five year old, neither of these options were tempting to me. Sitting on the ground and drawing with colored pencils was much more my style. I wandered around the magnificent house, looking for the best place to draw the lake. I finally found a space on the ground, next to the chair where you were sitting, on that modest balcony. Happy to be in your company, I picked up a deep green and begin drawing spikey pine trees.

In between sipping your coffee, you did as many grandmothers do, and began recalling memories of your own childhood to me. You loved to draw and dance and explore just as I did. I was intrigued to hear how similar our interests and hobbies were. When you nonchalantly mentioned your sister, my eyes looked up. I had seen the multitude of decorations in each room of your house. There was no doubt that the number of pictures hanging on the walls wasn’t far off from that of an art museum. How had I never seen a picture of you and your sister?

You brushed over the idea, “…my sister and I just had never been close”, as if she was a piece of lint on your shirt. I was surprised to learn that you even had a sister and of the odd dynamic of your noncommunicative relationship. After all, I had seen family as one of the most special and valuable parts of my entire life.

I knew that conflicts between young sibling were common. My brother is four years older than me and I still remember some prime examples of our childhood fights. I’m pretty sure our fights mimicked the best of John Cena’s and our bickering would have made Judge Judy proud. My mother would tell us to stop and would always say how lucky we were to have each other. She had lost her brother to a heart attack when I was two years old. I see the tears fall from her glassy eyes every year when she lights a candle on the anniversary of his death. The appreciation that I have for the people I can be with and talk to every day is strengthened every time I see this. When my mom’s side of the family comes together, this appreciation grows even more when I see their joy and thankfulness for each other.

I later understood that you and me have different family values. I have not seen you in 7 years. My brother and I stopped receiving those $50 checks in our birthday letters from you around that time too, when my parents got divorced. Our birthday cards are now enriched with a bible verse, a prayer that the Lord keeps us in His care and a tasteful tinge of disapproval that we were raised and happily live in a Jewish household.

We are not the only family that has experienced a falling out due to differing beliefs. I’ve heard many stories of other people avoiding conversation with their relatives because of their religious and political opinions. I have experienced the awkward glances in high school when a kid walked by wearing a bright red, “Make America Great Again” hat. After the monumental 2016 election, I am sure that many families had to create an unspoken rule of who they should and should not discuss politics with. However, this is the United States of America and we are not known to be a nation full of silenced people. We take pride in the freedom we are given. I see the admiration people have for the first amendment every time I go on Facebook. I also see the enthusiastic, and often PG-13 rated, comments by people who refuse to accept that someone has a different belief than them. However these internet disagreements do not always leave the computer screen. People would rather have silence with a friend, coworker or relative than face a discussion about their differences. While I do amend this nonviolent approach compared to the real fights that sometimes occur, I do not think this abrupt seclusion is the healthiest way to navigate social conflicts.

A not-so-secret problem-solving skill is often taught to us in elementary school. When children refuse to share their toys or crayons with each other, teachers instruct them to talk through their problems and analyze their actions. Discussion is an important, and often overlooked, way to work through and avoid future conflict. While I understand fighting over who uses a crayon first and who should be allowed to enter a country should not be given the same level of importance, I think talking can be the first step toward solving both problems. I think that many issues could be solved if people came together and civilly acknowledged their differences and worked toward finding a common ground. This could allow a more peaceful, efficient and open-minded atmosphere in a work environment, friendship, family and government. Perhaps silence between two groups or two people is sometimes the most practical way to avoid conflict however, this cannot truly be known without discussing their beliefs and reasons for having differing ones first.

You chose to forget that my father is partially responsible for the beliefs I have. You chose to generalize my beliefs with those of my mother’s when I was 13 years old. Six years later, you don’t know about the values and beliefs that I have adopted from my own experiences, that differ from my mother’s. You haven’t heard about my achievements in school, hardships at work, or ambitions for the future because you ostracized yourself from my life. You made your disapproval and lack of support clear. You are not aware of the genuine thankfulness I have for my friends and family that do support me. Those are the people who were at my high school graduation and award ceremonies and who will be at my college graduation and wedding. During those future events, you may still not be able to understand that differing beliefs did not need to change our relationship. You may not see the ridiculousness of having such a large house full of extravagant decorations and lacking a family to share it with.

This letter cannot be completely negative, I must thank you for one thing. I know how I hope to treat my family because of the way you chose not to treat yours.

While my feelings about our distant and deteriorating relationship have grown neutral, I know it is a sad statement for others to hear that I do not talk to my grandparents.

I do have some hope that you can see over our differing beliefs and understand that being able to talk and being able to have a relationship is still possible. Until then, you are still my family and I do hope you well.

I can see that my parent’s separation, and our differing religious views, were enough to change the way you view and treat us as your family. Your love that I had once thought unconditional, has clearly developed some parameters.

Your granddaughter,

Hailey

Related posts:

Paysenger members do not need to employ any strategies, such as time-consuming content publishing routines, in order to influence others or earn money, in contrast to other social media platforms. It…

Always greener? Nope.. “Day 324” is published by Cathy Brooks in Gracious Gratitude.

Increasing your security posture in an enterprise environment begins with identifying and closing visibility gaps. The following steps will help your team understand adversary techniques and methods…