Adoration

Letter #4 in my series of letters to M as we continue our star-crossed journey together.

Dear M,

A fleeting thought of you is enough to leave me breathless, while my heart races. Your eyes are enthralling, capturing my full attention with a simple gaze. The beauty of the universe is captured in an instant each time you smile. M, I adore you.

How are you doing today? Well, I hope. Today’s letter is a shorter one, but I promise a longer one soon!

I wanted to clear up something that I said in my previous post about the cult and my feelings towards people who practice it. I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m hateful or that I’ll be judgmental. I have my own preconceived notions based upon my experiences and interactions with some of their followers, so I have colored lenses so to speak. I’ve realized that’s not fair. I suppose it’s a precautionary measure I’ve developed as a means of protecting myself when dealing with them. I do my best to analyze the person and his or her actions. The word “religion” seems too legalistic…too formal…too constricting…too rigid. Too often, the “laws” of a religion are what drive the followers. I don’t subscribe to what people refer to as “religion.” I do love our open conversations about it! I won’t be judgmental. I’ll listen, intently, to your every word.

It is such a privilege to read your thoughts and feelings. I love that you’re so open with me. I’ll never take that for granted. It is truly an honor. I like to be open with you in return. It is my usual practice to keep things under wraps and deal with them in a quiet manner — to internalize things. I don’t share much with people, but I don’t have any problems sharing with you — in fact, I enjoy it! These letters are more than just words; they are my feelings. It is easy for me to share with you.

I absolutely love our conversations. I really feel like I can talk with you all the time about anything and everything. More and more, I find myself craving just communicating with you in any way possible. It feels like I am just getting to know you all over again, and yet we have a star-crossed history together. I’m so thankful that I get the opportunity to talk with you again after all the years apart.

Your words during our conversation this afternoon have me pondering. I wish you didn’t feel so stuck in your current situation. It doesn’t sound like it is at all healthy for you. You are a beautiful soul and you need better/more than what you’re getting. After hearing of your past experiences, I truly fear for your safety, health, and well-being. You rhetorically asked, “Where would I go? What would I do?” And you are sure that it would be a vindictive fight on your hands. Despite what you might feel, in my experience, you have the upper hand in all of this, legally. It may not be a “cake walk,” and he may be vindictive/bitter towards you, but you are strong. I’ll help you along the way any way that I can and I support you 100%.

It’s so interesting to get to talk with you and relate what I remember versus what you remember! I like talking with you, joking with you, and giggling a bit with you! It’s fun. It makes me feel 10 years younger! I want to see you again. I want to hug you. It has been so long. Somehow, soon, I think we’ll find a way to meet.

Today’s music is my same mix of a lot of what I like to listen to when I’m working. It helps me to zone out everything around me and focus on my work. I feel more productive when listening to music while working. I did it all through my schooling years, so I just carried it on into my work and it has helped! I have some good headphones, too, which is, in my opinion, absolutely essential! Today’s song that struck me is titled On Top of the World by Edenbridge. It is one that I found about a year ago. I enjoy the majority of Edenbridge’s music. This song is one of my favorites. The lyrics seem so apt at the moment. You do make me feel as though I’m “on top of the world, on the edge of sheer heaven” as the song’s chorus goes.

Yours Always & Forever,

Me

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