Polyamory Improves My Relationship With My Husband

It’s not an escape from my marriage, it’s an enhancement

In a very monogamy-oriented world, I can understand how some people have a hard time imagining polyamory as something that is a healthy and beneficial addition to an existing committed relationship, but for me, and for many of the polyamorous people I know, that is exactly the case.

We aren’t trying to make our marriages or other committed partnerships more palatable by including other people into our romantic lives; we’re actually enhancing those relationships. My marriage has gotten stronger and deeper as a result of our journey into poly life, which is not to say that it was always an easy ride or that it’s something that everyone should be doing. However, I do want to clarify some misconceptions.

Misconception #1: People who are engaged in polyamory or other forms of ethical non-monogamy (ENM), such as swinging, are tired of their partners and just looking for an approved way to cheat.

Reality #1: First off, it’s not cheating if you and the other people involved are all engaging with each other honestly, openly, and with everyone’s consent. Cheating is when you are going behind someone’s back and lying about it.

Although there often is an element of wanting to add in novelty by having romantic and sexual involvements with other people, those who don’t already have a stable and basically healthy relationship aren’t going to be able to make polyamory work.

My husband and I opened up our marriage because we were going through a very connected and exploratory phase and wanted to see what including other people might bring to our relationship. We have chosen to only see other people together, but even those who have separate relationships usually find that it brings a lot to all the connections that they have, including an original or primary partnership.

Misconception #2: It’s not possible to love more than one person at a time, so any additional people are primarily about having new sex partners.

Reality #2: Polyamory is an expansive outlook on love and sexual attachment, meaning that there is no assumption that one connection takes anything away from the others. In…

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